i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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