she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
