i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
