I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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