one might say we're banned from that church
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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