They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
