they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
