I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
