we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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