On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
