I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
