He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
