there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My dick has a subreddit
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
