I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
