It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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