i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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