so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
