I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
