With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
