The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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