u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
