id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
