First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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