1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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