He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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