You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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