I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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