Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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