i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
