her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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