i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
