I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
