the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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