I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
