i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
