i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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