Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize