sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize