Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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