I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
