Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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