I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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