week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
