Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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