Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
