Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
