First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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