I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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