The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
