After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
