It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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