Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think I am morally bankrupt
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Text me some of your sweat
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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