I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
