Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize