And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
