in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
