I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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