After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
