Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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