dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
