is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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