Non-Jews are for practice
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My dick has a subreddit
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
