dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
