Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize
