I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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