There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
