Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
