Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
