I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
