I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just took my morning after pill in the library
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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