Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Randomize
