So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
