I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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