Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
