my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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