I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I can't turn off my feet"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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