i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
