Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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