2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
