so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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