In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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