A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
