Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
