Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
