if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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