You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
