So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
