i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
