when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize