I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
