he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So vagazzling was a success
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
