Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
