I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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