Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize