Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize