He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
