there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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