i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
