I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
