WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
