Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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