Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
