Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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