i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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