I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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