make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
