If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
