i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I am available for nakedness
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
