I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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